I have been on somewhat of a journey the last 6 weeks, slowly working my way down a deep descent, not listening to the constant tapping on my shoulder which I kept dismissing until now!

The last few weeks it felt as though it all came crashing inward…. inside. My mind felt lost, slow, tired, and heavy and all I felt like doing was nothing, not engaging in the “superficial” life at all. Not wanting to share my life or my days, my ambitions or me or with anyone else.

I feel like we are always taught to reach out when we are in a funk (or self discovery mode I like to call it) to talk to someone, open up ra ra ra, but this day and age our lives are constantly on show for others to see. Sprawled out over social media like Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Snapchat etc. that connecting was the last thing I wanted to be doing to heal my mojo.

Now there is a big difference between self retreating; when you know that is what you need to feel self connected again. And self retreating when you are in a self destructive, or depressed and lost state. I am not depressed more my energy was pressed down, shrivelled and low not destructive or hopeless and it is important to know the difference and obviously if you are feeling hopeless and depressed that’s when speaking up and seeking help is crucial.

The problem with me was, the more I tried to work on myself and ‘soul’ in the spiritual sense. Mediation, feelings, journaling, self connection, inward kindness the more disappointed I seemed to be getting and that is because I was still outwardly looking at others who preach all of the above on social media saying how good it is to connect with ourselves and our purpose and when we do the light shines within us.
Well, why did mine feel like it was burning out even though I was doing all the right things to help myself?

Because I didn’t disconnect.

I had to completely STOP, physically turn off the teachers and people who I look up to and follow as guides because I was still not listening to my biggest guide….


All I wanted to do was hide away, sleep, not think and retreat. So I did. NO SOCIAL MEDIA checking, no pressure to reach those self revelation milestones, no pleasing others before pleasing myself.
Just me day by day, hour by hour……. No, actually ‘minute by minute’ because you get those minutes back when you’re not wasting them on the phone.

Because who am I if I am alone?
Not creating content for others, but creating life moments just for me?
That are not liked and applauded by others.

How do I feel in those minutes when I stop thinking about others and what they might like me sharing with them and sit in the silence with my actual self?

What else do you do in those spare moments.
Waiting in a queue.
On your lunch break sitting alone.
While the dinner is cooking.
When the family have gone to bed and there is nothing on tv.

In the beginning, it is somewhat awkward and uncomfortable, finger twiddling, until it becomes so friggen freeing and liberating not to be attached.

We are so wired to please and receive from others and that is where burn out can come tapping fast because when your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from others telling you how great you are doing you are no longer the master of your own happiness.

Disconnecting teaches you not only freedom and free time to play, be inventive and creative just for the fun of it, but also that you, alone are the only one who needs to shower yourself with admiration and applause for your minute by minute daily awesomeness.

Disconnecting teaches you, if you can’t be happy with your own silent achievements and milestones how are you meant to show up with real authenticity and be a leader for your followers, business or purpose. How are you suppose to create content that has enthusiasm and positive energy behind each post when you’re doing it with a sense of pressure, numbness and outwardly for someone else’s option first?

Do you think a lonesome flower in a field won’t open and reveal its magnificent beauty because no-one will see it? Nope, it opens up and basks it’s self knowing-ness straight into the universe proud and beautiful. And that flower knows the most important ‘being’ saw its existence and pride. The universe! Encouraging it to blossom in its own way, when and how it wants.

So sometimes disconnecting from everything we think we are is just as important as connecting to who we want and think we should be. Throw it all to the side for a while and sit in your own silence. Stop the podcasts, self help books, teaches and reaching or straining outwards…. To just stopping, sitting and doing nothing but filling up your day with what YOU want to do. Without documenting it, photographing it or capturing it to prove your self worth to someone else.

For me, having an online business and social media presence, STOPPING has felt so freeing like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I have been doing exactly what I do without the need to capture it and show it to the world.

No phone in my hand to take that glorious sunset picture and post it a second later. Rather that glorious sunset picture stamped in my mind ONLY.
My brain feels so much bigger, clearer and renewed.
It is self gratifying, calming and empowering all at the same.

And although I know I have to go back online again, I won’t ever let it define ME or my own time. I will keep the self gratifying moments silent and special just for me and I will defiantly be taking more technology detoxes in the future.

I don’t even consider myself a big user of social media, but a continual focus on it still sucks the mojo out of you eventually when you’re constantly sending out out out so I can’t even imagine the people who are completely addicted 24/7 like its a second limb attached to their hand.

Satisfying other people’s eyes is only satisfying your ego.
Yes, it has to be done this day and age with online businesses, but maintaining a balance is so important.
My followers didn’t go anywhere and I am sure they didn’t even know I was missing in action because they follow thousands of other people too.
But having had a break, I feel refreshed and reconnected to my purpose, pursuit and direction within myself, which will always vibe out the right energy to create magic in one’s life.

Now the important question is; are you feeling pulled, strained, lost, low and in a constant search of something? Then perhaps it is also time for you to stop outwardly searching and


Ellice Degiovanni

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